LABYRINTH HYPERNESS!
by Guardian of Ice
Summary: I was very, very hyper. Very hyper indeed. Just... save me.
1. I was on SUCH a caffeine high

Labyrinth Outtakes!  
  
A/N: I dunno why I wanted to write these, I dunno if they're even funny.. That's why I'm posting them! I'll let you decide. Reviews are good. ^^;   
  
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Scene 1, Take 1  
  
( Sarah runs across bridge, slips, falls into water. Hits head on rocks and suffers brain damage. )  
Director: Ermn.. I think we can stil use her!  
Sarah: *drools all over the place while giggling uncontrollably*  
Director: I need coffee.  
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Sarah #2: ...for my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great..Uhhh... Damn. I can never remember that line.  
( She goes digging through her pockets and begins pulling out miscellaneous items while looking for her little playbook. At one point, she pulls out a lightning rod and gets struck by lightning. )  
Director: ...cut..  
Sarah #1: *drool*  
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Sarah #3: It's not fair! You're cruel! No fair! I hate you! You smell!  
Director: CUT! You're gonna be FAMOUS, you hear?! FAMOUS!  
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Sarah #3: Go on, Merlin... Into the garage...  
( Suddenly, Merlin goes rabid foaming homicidal, kills stepmother. Sarah hugs frothing dog. )  
Director: O_o  
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Sarah #3: * Jogs up stairs, slips, falls, kills father, brother, and stepmother. *  
Sarah #3: * Maniac-type laughter *  
Jareth ( Offscreen ): Does this mean I don't get to have my sex scene?  
Director: ...?  
Jareth: ;.;  
Director: That's not in the script!  
( Director flings script at Jareth; hitting him in the head and causing brain damage. )  
Director: Oh no, not again..  
( The two vegetables run off together and live a happy, drooly life. )  
Director: ...WHERE IS MY COFFEE?!  
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Sarah #3: * talking to herself and attempting to apply ugly lipstick *  
Father #2: Sarah? Can I talk to you?  
( Sudden noise startles her; she accidentally stuffs the lipstick up her nose. )  
Director: o_o  
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Sarah #3: Someone save me, someone take me AWAY from this awful place!  
( Jareth #2 appears, wearing a dress. )  
Sarah #3: O_O  
Director: O_O; Uhh... You're too early...  
Jareth #2: Whoopsee! * skips off *  
Everyone on set: ....  
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Sarah #3: What do you want; you want a story? Okay. Once upon a time there was an underpaid actress who really needed her fix. Her habit always made her get fired; until one day she got fed up and went on a mass murder spree...  
( Her eyes glaze over and she stares off into space. )  
Toby: o__o!  
Director: Coffee? Security?  
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Sarah #4: I can bear it no longer!  
BIBBITY BOBBITY BOO!  
( Fairy godmother appears and takes baby. Sarah goes back to her room and continues applying ugly lipstick. )  
Goblins: o.o;  
Jareth #3: ...........  
Director: * yanks off his beret and chews on it *  
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Sarah #4: * gets dizzy from spinning around to see where the noises are coming from. Passes out on the floor. *  
Director: This is not my day..  
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Scene 8, Take 1. "Jareth Appears"  
Director: And...action.  
( Window flies open, and Johnny Carson music plays. )  
Heeeeeeeere'e Jareth!  
( Jareth #3 strikes pose. )  
Director: @#$!&!!!  
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Sarah #4: You're him, aren't you? You're the Goblin King!  
Jareth #3: Well, actually... I'm the fah-bulous David Bowie.  
( Big cheesy grin followed by another pose. )  
Director: ...Just shoot me. Do it now.  
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Sarah #4: I want my brother back please, if it's all the same..  
Jareth #3: What's said is said.. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust, y'know.  
Director: ...?  
Sarah #4: ...?  
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Jareth #3: I've brought you a gift..  
( Pulls out a crystal and starts twirling it. He slips and drops it on his foot. )  
Jareth #3: @!%!@!&^!@#%!!!!!!  
Director: Why me..?  
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( Jareth throws snake at Sarah. It chokes her and she dies. )  
Jareth #3: Oops..   
Director: O_O;  
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Continue? Yes? No? Reviews = loved. 


	2. This one's not as good as the first BUT ...

Labyrinth Outtakes! - Chapter Two  
  
A/N: This'll be the last chapter. I wrote these all in a notebook and then I posted half of them last night. Since you seemed to like them (for the most part), I'm gonna post the rest. But I think the first half was better. Just a warning. ^^;  
  
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( Sarah watches Hoggle spray faeries. All of a sudden, a swarm of them surrounds him. Hoggle screams, then goes silent. The faeries fly away and Hoggle has vanished. )  
Sarah #5: *gulp *  
Director: o_o!  
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( After taking the worm's advice, Sarah runs right into a wall. )  
Sarah #5: You said there was an opening!  
Worm: To your right, Captain Genius.  
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Sarah #5: I'll never find my way to-  
( Hears funky 80's music. Points finger at sky determinedly. )  
Follow the 80's music!  
Director: ....  
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Sarah #5: No, it's right! I could never do it before! I think I'm getting smarter!  
( Opens the door and falls into pit of Certain Death. )  
Director: @$#%!*&!!!  
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Sarah #6: Help!  
Hands: Whaddaya mean help? We are helping! We're helping hands!  
Sarah #6: You're... HEY! Don't touch me there!  
Director: !  
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( Sarah #6 throws rock at guard, misses, and knocks out Ludo. )  
Director: You suck! You suck! You... rrgh..  
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( Ludo swings tree branch at Sir Didymus, hitting and flattening him. )  
Ludo: * looks proud *  
Director: YOU WEREN'T ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO HIT HIM!  
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( Ludo swings tree branch at Sir Didymus #2, sending him flying into the Bog of Eternal Stench. )  
Ludo: * Looks proud again *  
Director: ...............Where. Is. My. Coffee?!  
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( Sarah stands in the middle of the crowd. Since she keeps thinking she sees Jareth all over the place, she thinks she's going insane and begins to rip out her hair and beat her head on various objects. )  
Jareth #3: ......o_o  
Mob of People: ......o_o  
Director: This is SO not my day..  
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( Rocks flatten entire city, along with everyone in it. )  
Jareth #3: I'm FREE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....  
Director: Dear god, save me..  
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Sarah #7: * makes leap of faith, ends up landing on her head on some inverted staircase *  
Director: .......... WHERE THE HELL IS MY COFFEE?!  
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Jareth #3: I ask for so LITTLE. Just let me rule you, and you can have everything you want! Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and give me foot massages whenever I ask, and I will be your SLAVE!  
Sarah #8: *stare *  
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( Owl attacks Sarah, claws her eyes out, and flies away. )  
Director: o_o;  
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( Party goes on inside. Jareth/Owl sits outside staring. )  
Jareth/Owl *glareplotsmitehate*  
And I'd have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for that meddling dwarfandteenageranddogandbiguglyhairything! OOoooh!  
Director: ........  
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Well, that's it... I think those sucked. But, like last time, that's for you to decide. 


End file.
